I woke up surprisingly early this morning and decided to go running. Navigation turned out to be a bit more difficult without my glasses, so it was a longer run than I really intended, but it was still nice to be out in the early light, with a slight scattering of other people, most more friendly and polite than you’d expect further into the day.
On my way to work I was aware of the slight differences: lighter traffic, of course, and a nearly empty parking structure, but particularly the differences in light. Sufficient change in angle and hue to make me feel like I’m on a different freeway, in a different parking structure, wandering up a different street toward the office as I eat one of the quite tasty plums S brought home from the farmer’s market. And this essentially illusory sense of change helps, a bit. But my lifestyle, this consistent routine, is really starting to wear me down.
I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be willing to work where I work and live where I live. I don’t know how much of this is the specifics of my situation, and how much is just the inevitable nature of any 9 to 5 corporate job. And I don’t know if I’d actually be happier or more comfortable pursuing some less conventional lifestyle. My preferences are erratic and my focus hard to predict. So maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow, and vanish into months of work and video games and travel and S and recovery from travel and work and video games and travel, and eventually wake up from that comfortable grey blur and post another dissatisfied blog entry before drifting off again. Who can tell?
But I think, at least, that I need to get out of LA soon. I feel the need to be outside, and there’s no outside here. Just pavement.
